Thursday, March 11, 2010

Walmart, You Cause Me Great Vexation!

I admit, I begrudgingly patronize my local Super Walmart and am rewarded with modest savings on Team Nugget's sundry needs. But more importantly, I go there because I enjoy the fact that Satan's House of Cheap Milk and Prescriptions has self-checkout.

The reasons are three-fold:

Being the ocd-type organizer girl that I am, I REALLY enjoy having all my refrigerated items packed into one bag. Not an unreasonable request I think, it just makes it so easy to unload once I get home.

There must be some serious overloaded grocery-bag accident litigation floating around Walmart HQ because those crazy bastards will only put a couple of items in each sack. I get that, but I don't want to deal with all that stuff to carry. I've got a toddler, people! Streamline, that's the name of the game. Even when I give them my reusable bags (when I remember to bring the things) they still will inevitably ask, "You want the milk in the bag?" No, I want to carry it with my teeth! YES I WANT IT IN THE BAG! I know it's heavy. I'm a big girl, I can handle it. Put it all in there! Don't act shocked that I don't want you to give me 15 to twenty bags to carry in the house while corralling the Little Nugget. I can consistently fit ALL my groceries into those 4 reusable bags, every week. That's why I like to bag it myself.

Chit-chat. I'm not the most social person. I'm an introvert. But I can make small talk. Without frightening people. I can't say the same thing for some of the cashiers I've encountered. This I hold to be a Universal Truth: regardless of the retail establishment, they inevitably put the most socially inept people in contact with the customers. Quick story, all true: checking out the other day (different store, not Wally), Little Nugget quickly turning into a pumpkin. I give her (bribe her with) some Smartees, and the cashier says OUT LOUD, mind you, "Oh I used to SNORT those when I was a kid..." (emphasis seriously mine.) I'm all like Oh really, that's nice, well have a nice day! All the while, I'm thinking WTF?! Why would you share that with a stranger, let alone one with a child. RIGHT. THERE. Mommy, what's snorting?...Granted, this was an extreme case, but I've had lovely chit-chat with many cashiers about how their brother just got out of prison, etc, etc...oh, and the ones who clearly don't like kids, but try to pretend? Stop it. You're not fooling anyone, and it just comes across as creepy.

Alas, dear reader(s), today I discovered that my local Walmart has removed all the self-checkouts.


And that's all I have to say about that.


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