Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Those Little Saké Cups are for Taking Shots, Right?

Team Nugget can really be dense sometimes. Like when we think we can go out to a nice dinner (something other than fast food or Mexican) with the Little Nugget. I mean, how many times do we need to be reminded? Apparently many. Because we have a keen ability to block unpleasant experiences from our collective memory. Call it our superpower, if you will. Otherwise, why would we keep trying to take our oh-so adorable, albeit fidgety offspring to public places confined by the typical social expectations. You know, like not screaming "NOOOO!!!!" seemingly out of the blue: we're used to it so we no longer have the startle reflex, but most other diners are unaccustomed to spontaneous bursts of adrenaline during their meal. Makes you feel alive, eh?! Our gift to you! You're welcome! :-)

Team Nugget had a hankering for sushi the other night, AND we had a coupon. Score! So blinded by our fog of naive forgetfulness, we loaded up for a family outing. Woo-hoo! Usually the amnesia is short-term, as we gain consciousness as soon as we walk in the door and see 1) it's a nice, quiet restaurant and 2) there are other customers who seem to enjoy the quiet nature of said establishment. Fuck! I will share with you now:

Team Nugget's Strategies for Peaceful & Harmonious Dining in Fine Restaurant Settings, a.k.a. "Damage Control"

  1. Order alcohol, tout de suite.
  2. Waste no time in ordering food, and pray to God it arrives quickly.
  3. Swiftly unpack the Squinkies and other well-chosen distractions from the Little Nugget's poodle purse.
  4. Even though you are going to a restaurant to procure food, ALWAYS BRING BACKUP FOOD. Food delivery is NEVER fast enough.
  5. Once food has arrived, eat! Enjoy and savor it, of course, but just know everything could fall apart at any minute!
  6. When they come to ask you how it tastes, ask for the check! You just never know when you may be shamed into an abrupt departure!

Bon appetit!!! That really is our survival guide, for reals.

OK, so we weren't shamed *this time*, but we did make a quick departure as Little Nugget REALLY liked the sound her sassy boots made on the hardwoods, and she wanted to make sure everyone knew. That and she felt compelled to do a special sushi house interpretive dance in the exact spot where the wait staff come in and out of the kitchen.

After we escaped to the privacy and non-judgemental embrace of the car, I realized I had forgot to finish my Sake. I was really tempted to burst back into the restaurant, grab the tiny shot glass and down that sucker.

I'm sure the other diners would approve.

All for now,


Sunday, February 13, 2011

It's Not You, It's Me...

This is so hard to say. We've been together for such a long time now, which makes it even harder...I'm breaking up with you, Michaels.

We had some good times. When I got those weekly 40% Off the Price of Any Item Coupons (excluding sale items, magazines, books, Martha Stewart items, Cricut items, clearance items, or anything else you want), I couldn't wait to hook up with you. It was intoxicating. I remember the first time I introduced you to the Little Nugget. She gasped "Oh Mommy, look at all the colors!!!" I knew just how she felt. We both thought you were "the one".

But something happened. I don't know. Maybe you started phoning it in. Maybe I just raised my standards. But all I know is I need a store that can give me what I need.

I've started seeing another store. It's a locally owned store. There, I've said it. Their beads are all drilled on center. And the holes are straight.

But we can still be friends, right? I'm sure I'll need some craft paints or a new sketch book from time to time. And hey, you're the only place I can get butter rum Life Savers, so we've still got that!

Take care of yourself, Michaels. It was good knowing you.